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My Body, My Expression

Overcoming shyness in the bedroom

senslualWe can run but we cannot hide from the multitude of messages in the media telling us that we can look better in this or that way. Small wonder that we find ourselves to be body conscious in the bedroom.

Are you shy about being naked in front of your partner? Do you feel comfortable if, and only if, you have sex in the dark?

You really do not need tips, tricks and techniques to camouflage the flaws of your body. This might be an upstream message, or a pebble in the ocean, but I would still like to suggest this: Acceptance.

Here’s how:

  1. Examine your Thoughts

Ask yourself where this shyness about being naked is coming from. What exactly are you shy about? Not being slim enough? Or is it specific to a part of your body? Could you be caught in a relentless pursuit of constantly improving yourself and will you never be happy with your body? Is what you think others are thinking really happening or just limited to yourself?

  1. Separate Perception from Reality

Recognise what this is really about. This involves being honest, asking your trusted friends and loved ones questions about what they think, and feel. Your perception of what is happening might be very different from their reality, for instance, you might be thinking you’re fat, when actually, they do not think so.

  1. Do What you Can

Do what you can with what you have. If you are not happy with your body or a part of your body and can do something about it (within your means and limits) without hurting yourself, would you do it? What might be in the way of you doing something? Do you need support, for example, going for a jog while your child is being taken care of by your husband/neighbour/friend/relative?

  1. Accept What you Have

Having explored or done what you can, can you live with it (the body part or parts concerned)? Can you transcend just living with ‘it’ and develop a compassionate relationship with ‘it’? How about loving ‘it’? Some ways you can learn to love every single part of your body include being grateful that you have a body that supports you well, that functions, and allows you to experience life and all its wonders.

  1. iStock_000020086618_FullLove What you Are

Deepen your relationship with your body. Use affirmations. Affirmations are statements we make in the present tense, which are positive, and we do not need to believe in them (at least not right away). Examples include: “I love and accept every part of my body”, “I am grateful for how my body supports and allows me to do all the amazing, wonderful things I want to and set out to accomplish”, “I love, honour and respect every single part of my body”.

  1. Release What you Cannot Control

Let go of the rest. Having done what you can (such as exercise), and worked through what you can (affirmations to move to self-acceptance, love and compassion), it is time to let go of what you cannot control. Releasing statements begin with “I release”. Examples include: “I release being so hard on myself for not having the perfect body”, “I release my disappointment, guilt, shame and embarrassment for not being good enough”. You can wrap up each releasing session with a positive statement such as: “I am doing what I can with what I have. I love and accept myself the way I am. I am a work in progress. I am better and better each day naturally and effortlessly. I allow life to heal, protect and flow through me.”

  1. Work ‘It’

Could it be that all you need to overcome your bedroom shyness about being naked, is practice? Have you ever seen how you look when you have lust in your eyes? How might you touch your partner in a way that expresses your desire? When your desire for your partner sizzles and dazzles, does your partner really care about how you look?

When we focus on one thing – how shy we are or how we might appear to our partner – we are ignoring the fact that pleasure in the bedroom is not chained to our body shape. We might well have been focusing on the wrong thing all this time. Go ahead, practise these tips, and realise that sex is so much more than just how you look. Have fun!

Dr Martha Tara Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events in Asia and beyond. For more information, visit or email Follow Dr Lee’s work on Facebook at
Posted by ezyhealth on Jan 8 2015. Filed under Regulars. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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